{"id":4470,"date":"2022-05-16T23:56:04","date_gmt":"2022-05-16T21:56:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.eiromania.com\/?p=4470"},"modified":"2026-04-08T21:30:21","modified_gmt":"2026-04-08T19:30:21","slug":"nu-ma-asculti-concluzii-din-cartea-lui-kate-murphy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.eiromania.com\/ro\/blog-ei-romania\/nu-ma-asculti-concluzii-din-cartea-lui-kate-murphy\/","title":{"rendered":"Nu m\u0103 ascul\u021bi. Concluzii din cartea lui Kate Murphy"},"content":{"rendered":"

Ascultarea este adesea privit\u0103 ca omologul umil al vorbirii, dar este, de fapt, pozi\u021bia mai puternic\u0103 \u00een comunicare. \u00cenve\u021bi atunci c\u00e2nd ascul\u021bi.<\/span><\/p>\n

Acesta este unul dintre argumentele cheie pe care Kate Murphy le aduce \u00een cartea sa remarcabil\u0103 <\/span>You\u2019re not listening. What you\u2019re missing and why it matters<\/span><\/i>. Murphy sus\u021bine c\u0103, de\u0219i ascultarea este fundamentul comunic\u0103rii, inova\u021biei, cre\u0219terii \u0219i iubirii, pu\u021bini dintre noi \u0219tiu cu adev\u0103rat cum s\u0103 o fac\u0103 corect sau de unde s\u0103 \u00eenceap\u0103. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u0218i pe bun\u0103 dreptate, tr\u0103ind \u00een era digital\u0103, absorbi\u021bi de numeroasele nara\u021biuni ale re\u021belelor sociale, exist\u0103 mult zgomot \u0219i nu suficient\u0103 ascultare.<\/span><\/p>\n

De\u0219i s-ar putea s\u0103 consideri ascultarea ca fiind de la sine \u00een\u021beleas\u0103, c\u00e2t de bine ascul\u021bi, pe cine \u0219i \u00een ce circumstan\u021be, \u00ee\u021bi determin\u0103 identitatea \u0219i parcursul \u00een via\u021b\u0103. <\/span><\/p>\n

Prezent\u00e2ndu-ne unii dintre cei mai buni ascult\u0103tori \u2013 printre care un agent CIA, un moderator de focus grup, un barman, un produc\u0103tor de radio \u0219i un v\u00e2nz\u0103tor de mobil\u0103 de top \u2013 Murphy \u00ee\u0219i propune s\u0103 exploreze \u0219tiin\u021ba din spatele ascult\u0103rii, lucrurile care \u00eei stau \u00een cale \u0219i modul \u00een care ne putem antrena urechea \u0219i mintea pentru a r\u0103m\u00e2ne concentra\u021bi pe informa\u021biile valoroase pe care deseori le pierdem, r\u0103t\u0103cindu-ne \u00een propriile g\u00e2nduri sau preg\u0103tindu-ne r\u0103spunsurile \u00een timp ce cel\u0103lalt \u00eenc\u0103 vorbe\u0219te.<\/span><\/p>\n

Am citit-o, am luat noti\u021be \u0219i le-am organizat mai jos pentru ca tu s\u0103 po\u021bi naviga cu u\u0219urin\u021b\u0103 prin ele.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ascultarea. Ce este ea?<\/b><\/h2>\n

Ascultarea are mult de-a face cu \u00eenv\u0103\u021barea modului de a fi membri mai buni ai societ\u0103\u021bilor noastre. <\/span><\/p>\n

Este principalul motor al \u00eenv\u0103\u021b\u0103rii sociale \u0219i ne ajut\u0103 s\u0103 diferen\u021biem \u00eentre ceea ce este bine \u0219i ceea ce este r\u0103u. <\/span><\/p>\n

Da, toate acele b\u00e2rfe care <\/span>ne anim\u0103 cinele \u00een familie nu sunt altceva dec\u00e2t exemple despre cum ar trebui s\u0103 se comporte \u0219i s\u0103 ac\u021bioneze cineva \u00een societate.<\/span><\/p>\n

Simplu spus, ascultarea este despre curiozitate. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00censeamn\u0103 s\u0103 fii interesat \u0219i s\u0103 ascul\u021bi pe cineva cu inima \u0219i mintea deschise. F\u0103r\u0103 prezum\u021bii. F\u0103r\u0103 evalu\u0103ri.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u0218tim deja lucruri despre noi \u00een\u0219ine, dar nu avem nicio idee despre experien\u021bele oamenilor cu care vorbim (\u0219i lec\u021biile pe care le putem extrage din ele) p\u00e2n\u0103 c\u00e2nd nu t\u0103cem \u0219i ascult\u0103m. <\/span><\/p>\n

Singura certitudine pe care o avem atunci c\u00e2nd nu ascult\u0103m este c\u0103 nu vom \u00eenv\u0103\u021ba nimic nou.<\/span><\/p>\n

Iluzia \u00een\u021belegerii diminueaz\u0103 curiozitatea \u0219i motiva\u021bia de a asculta. F\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 ne d\u0103m seama, \u00eencepem s\u0103 ascult\u0103m selectiv, s\u0103 auzim doar ceea ce se potrive\u0219te ideilor noastre preconcepute. <\/span><\/p>\n

Din fericire, \u00een\u021belegerea \u2013 scopul final al ascult\u0103rii \u2013 nu este un concept binar (o ai sau nu o ai). Aceasta poate fi \u00eentotdeauna \u00eembun\u0103t\u0103\u021bit\u0103. Iar pentru a putea face asta, mai \u00eent\u00e2i trebuie s\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi cuno\u0219ti punctele moarte \u0219i concep\u021biile gre\u0219ite.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lucruri care stau \u00een calea ascult\u0103rii<\/b><\/h2>\n

Sunt multe lucruri care ne distorsioneaz\u0103 \u0219i ne afecteaz\u0103 ascultarea, dar majoritatea au de-a face cu egoul nostru r\u0103nit \u0219i cu insecurit\u0103\u021bile \u00eengropate. <\/span><\/p>\n

Se poate dovedi printr-o singur\u0103 \u00eentrebare simpl\u0103: de c\u00e2te ori ai uitat numele persoanei care tocmai \u021bi s-a prezentat?<\/span><\/p>\n

Suntem at\u00e2t de preocupa\u021bi de modul \u00een care suntem percepu\u021bi, \u00eenc\u00e2t uit\u0103m \u00eentr-o clip\u0103 ce spun oamenii. <\/span><\/p>\n

Ne temem s\u0103 nu spunem ceva gre\u0219it, a\u0219a c\u0103 \u00eencet\u0103m s\u0103 mai ascult\u0103m \u0219i ne g\u00e2ndim la un r\u0103spuns \u00een timp ce cealalt\u0103 persoan\u0103 \u00eenc\u0103 vorbe\u0219te. <\/span><\/p>\n

Apoi, p\u00e2n\u0103 la v\u00e2rsta adult\u0103, avem viziuni destul de fixe despre lume. <\/span><\/p>\n

Ne identific\u0103m cu anumite lucruri \u0219i nu permitem ca propriile convingeri s\u0103 fie contestate. <\/span><\/p>\n

Evit\u0103m aceast\u0103 posibilitate cu orice pre\u021b, citind mass-media care ne confirm\u0103 \u0219i ne afirm\u0103 propriile puncte de vedere, \u00eenchiz\u00e2ndu-ne \u00een bule sociale omogene, nedispu\u0219i s\u0103 ascult\u0103m idei opuse \u0219i, prin urmare, s\u0103 ne provoc\u0103m opinia. <\/span><\/p>\n

Dar iat\u0103 ideea: devenim siguri pe convingerile noastre doar permi\u021b\u00e2ndu-le s\u0103 fie contestate.<\/span><\/p>\n

Apoi, exist\u0103 atotputernicele prezum\u021bii. Presupunem c\u0103 \u0219tim deja ce se va spune, c\u0103 \u0219tim mai bine. <\/span><\/p>\n

Cu toate acestea, cele mai valoroase \u0219i pline de resurse conversa\u021bii pe care le putem avea sunt cele \u00een care intr\u0103m cu un sentiment profund de<\/span> curiozitate autentic\u0103<\/b>. <\/span><\/p>\n

Cu alte cuvinte, trebuie s\u0103 cultiv\u0103m dorin\u021ba de a \u00een\u021belege opinia celuilalt despre lume, deoarece (\u0219i poate ai auzit asta de multe ori) indiferent c\u00e2t de aproape suntem de o persoan\u0103, nu putem \u0219ti niciodat\u0103 ce este \u00een mintea ei.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00cen cele din urm\u0103, model\u0103m sensul \u00een conformitate cu istoria \u0219i percep\u021bia noastr\u0103, baz\u00e2ndu-ne pe contextul nostru cultural, sex, v\u00e2rst\u0103 \u0219i stare mental\u0103. <\/span><\/p>\n

A\u0219adar, <\/span>a fi un bun ascult\u0103tor \u00eenseamn\u0103 a fi con\u0219tient de sine \u0219i a-\u021bi cunoa\u0219te vulnerabilit\u0103\u021bile <\/b>(ce te declan\u0219eaz\u0103, punctele tale moarte, ce fel de lucruri te fac s\u0103 tragi concluzii gre\u0219ite). <\/span><\/p>\n

Prin con\u0219tientizarea de sine con\u0219tient\u0103, cineva poate recunoa\u0219te c\u00e2nd temerile, sensibilit\u0103\u021bile, dorin\u021bele \u0219i visurile deviaz\u0103 dorin\u021ba de a asculta bine. <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\ud83d\udcdd <\/span>INVITA\u021aIE<\/b>: <\/span>F\u0103 o list\u0103 cu punctele tale moarte conversa\u021bionale.<\/b> \u0218tiind c\u0103 ai un punct sensibil, te poate ajuta s\u0103 analizezi mai amplu ce a vrut s\u0103 spun\u0103 acea persoan\u0103 \u0219i s\u0103 investighezi pentru a te asigura c\u0103 ai \u00een\u021beles corect. <\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u00cenv\u0103\u021barea ascult\u0103rii<\/b><\/h2>\n

<\/h3>\n

#1. Sensibilitatea conversa\u021bional\u0103 \u0219i ascultarea activ\u0103<\/b><\/h3>\n

Pe l\u00e2ng\u0103 ceea ce spun oamenii, acord\u0103 aten\u021bie <\/span>contextului conversa\u021biei, modului \u00een care o spun \u0219i modului \u00een care rezoneaz\u0103 cu tine. <\/b>O mare parte din ascultare (\u00een\u021belegere) se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 prin recunoa\u0219terea indiciilor non-verbale, care poart\u0103 p\u00e2n\u0103 la 55% din con\u021binutul emo\u021bional al mesajului. <\/span><\/p>\n

De asemenea, p\u00e2n\u0103 la 38% din sentimente \u0219i atitudini sunt transmise prin voce, ceea ce \u00eenseamn\u0103 c\u0103 pentru ca informa\u021bia s\u0103 fie livrat\u0103 corespunz\u0103tor este nevoie de un mediu de ascultare adecvat (un spa\u021biu fizic receptiv, precum \u0219i o stare mental\u0103 receptiv\u0103).<\/span><\/p>\n

S-ar putea s\u0103 fi auzit deja termenul de <\/span>ascultare activ\u0103<\/b>, folosit mult \u00een prezent \u0219i pe bun\u0103 dreptate. Se refer\u0103 la \u00een\u021belegerea sensului unui mesaj dincolo de cuvintele folosite pentru a-l exprima. <\/span><\/p>\n

Kate Murphy folose\u0219te conceptul de <\/span>sensibilitate conversa\u021bional\u0103<\/b> pentru a descrie aceea\u0219i abilitate de a detecta ce se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 cu adev\u0103rat \u00eentr-o conversa\u021bie (sensuri ascunse, nuan\u021be de ton). <\/span><\/p>\n

\u0218i, \u00een cele din urm\u0103, legat\u0103 tot de detectarea indiciilor emo\u021bionale c\u00e2nd vorbim \u0219i de a fi sensibili \u00een conversa\u021bie, este capacitatea noastr\u0103 de a <\/span>\u201eciti sala\u201d (read the room)<\/b>, adic\u0103 adaptarea mesajului la nivelul de \u00een\u021belegere \u0219i la valorile \u0219i sensibilit\u0103\u021bile celuilalt. <\/span><\/p>\n

Scopul final al conversa\u021biei noastre este transmiterea sensului, a\u0219a c\u0103 trebuie s\u0103 facem ceea ce este necesar pentru ca cel\u0103lalt s\u0103 \u00eel cuprind\u0103.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

#2. Adresarea \u00eentreb\u0103rilor<\/b><\/h3>\n

Pune \u00eentreb\u0103ri atunci c\u00e2nd e\u0219ti confuz sau c\u00e2nd ceva nu are sens. De multe ori presupunem c\u0103 vom \u00een\u021belege mai t\u00e2rziu, c\u0103 oamenii trebuie s\u0103 aib\u0103 ra\u021bionamente \u0219i motiva\u021bii similare cu ale noastre, dar nu este a\u0219a. <\/span><\/p>\n

Nu uita s\u0103 faci asta la momentul potrivit: <\/span>pune \u00eentreb\u0103rile potrivite la sf\u00e2r\u0219itul r\u0103spunsului partenerului t\u0103u.<\/b><\/p>\n

Este important de men\u021bionat c\u0103 exist\u0103 dou\u0103 tipuri de \u00eentreb\u0103ri: <\/span>r\u0103spunsul de sus\u021binere (support response)<\/b> versus <\/span>r\u0103spunsul de schimbare (shift response) <\/b>(afirma\u021bii auto-referen\u021biale, narcisism conversa\u021bional), unde primul sus\u021bine argumentul vorbitorului, iar al doilea deviaz\u0103 aten\u021bia. <\/span><\/p>\n

Exist\u0103 diferite motive pentru care oamenii opteaz\u0103 pentru al doilea tip, unele dintre cele mai evidente fiind dorin\u021ba oamenilor de a p\u0103rea bine informa\u021bi (pun \u00eentreb\u0103ri care sugereaz\u0103 c\u0103 \u0219tiu deja r\u0103spunsul) sau disconfortul lor fa\u021b\u0103 de manifestarea emo\u021biilor celuilalt (vor \u00eencerca s\u0103 rezolve sau s\u0103 explice problema partenerului). <\/span><\/p>\n

Ceea ce subliniaz\u0103 Murphy cu argumente solide \u00een cartea sa este c\u0103 solu\u021biile la problemele oamenilor se afl\u0103 deja \u00een ei \u0219i \u00eei putem ajuta s\u0103 acceseze cea mai bun\u0103 cale de a aborda lucrurile doar prin ascultare.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

#3. P\u0103strarea lini\u0219tii<\/b><\/h3>\n

D\u00e2nd exemplul unor negocieri de afaceri mai degrab\u0103 e\u0219uate, Murphy subliniaz\u0103 importan\u021ba de a t\u0103cea. <\/span><\/p>\n

Oferind celeilalte p\u0103r\u021bi timpul \u0219i spa\u021biul necesar pentru a spune ce are de spus, po\u021bi \u00eenv\u0103\u021ba multe despre condi\u021biile lor \u0219i dorin\u021ba lor de a face compromisuri.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ascult\u0103 suficient de mult, p\u00e2n\u0103 c\u00e2nd vezi c\u0103 cealalt\u0103 persoan\u0103 este gata s\u0103 te asculte pe tine. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u0218i normalizeaz\u0103 pauzele dup\u0103 ascultare, spune \u201eA\u0219 vrea s\u0103 m\u0103 g\u00e2ndesc la asta\u201d \u0219i ia-\u021bi timp. O conversa\u021bie nu ar trebui s\u0103 fie o curs\u0103.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ascultarea la locul de munc\u0103<\/i><\/b><\/h2>\n

Joburile care implic\u0103 predominant logica matematic\u0103 \u0219i analitic\u0103 sunt automatizate lent, dar sigur, \u00een timp ce cele care implic\u0103 interac\u021biune social\u0103 r\u0103m\u00e2n \u0219i se bazeaz\u0103 puternic pe ascultare, fie c\u0103 este vorba de angajat-client sau management-angajat. <\/span><\/p>\n

Acum mai mult ca niciodat\u0103, companiile ar trebui s\u0103 creeze oportunit\u0103\u021bi pentru angaja\u021bii lor de a \u00eemp\u0103rt\u0103\u0219i ceea ce au \u00een minte \u00een medii s\u0103n\u0103toase \u0219i sigure.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Cel mai important rol al unui manager este s\u0103 dea voce celor t\u0103cu\u021bi. <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

(Jony Ive, fost director de design la Apple)<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

 <\/p>\n

Pentru a-\u021bi ar\u0103ta receptivitatea \u0219i dorin\u021ba de a asculta, alege s\u0103 por\u021bi conversa\u021bii \u00een spa\u021bii lini\u0219tite (poate un birou \u00eenchis) \u0219i s\u0103 ai dispozitivele oprite \u0219i departe, astfel \u00eenc\u00e2t nicio distragere s\u0103 nu intervin\u0103. <\/span><\/p>\n

Fii sincer curios de g\u00e2ndurile \u0219i sentimentele celuilalt: nu asculta doar pentru a c\u00e2\u0219tiga ceva. <\/span><\/p>\n

Fii prezent, acord\u0103 vorbitorului timpul necesar pentru a-\u0219i aduna g\u00e2ndurile \u0219i vorbe\u0219te doar c\u00e2nd vezi c\u0103 cealalt\u0103 persoan\u0103 a terminat \u0219i este deschis\u0103 s\u0103 primeasc\u0103 opinia ta. <\/span><\/p>\n

Un r\u0103spuns pripit, plin de ne\u00een\u021belegeri, \u00eel va face pe vorbitor s\u0103 \u00ee\u0219i cenzureze urm\u0103toarele conversa\u021bii cu tine, \u0219tiind c\u0103 nu poate fi el \u00eensu\u0219i \u00een prezen\u021ba ta.<\/span><\/p>\n

Pove\u0219tile noastre sunt diferite \u0219i \u00een acela\u0219i timp identice \u00een ceea ce prive\u0219te emo\u021biile de baz\u0103. <\/span><\/p>\n

Ascultarea te ajut\u0103 s\u0103 vezi c\u0103 to\u021bi ne confrunt\u0103m cu acelea\u0219i probleme \u2013 vrem s\u0103 fim iubi\u021bi, c\u0103ut\u0103m un scop \u0219i ne este team\u0103 de moarte. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00cenve\u021bi c\u0103 nu e\u0219ti singur. <\/span><\/p>\n

Ascult\u00e2nd, recuno\u0219ti \u0219i \u00eembr\u0103\u021bi\u0219ezi lumea din afara min\u021bii tale, ceea ce te ajut\u0103 s\u0103 \u00een\u021belegi ce se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 \u0219i \u00een interiorul min\u021bii tale.<\/span><\/p>\n

 „`<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ascultarea este adesea privit\u0103 ca omologul umil al vorbirii, dar este, de fapt, pozi\u021bia mai puternic\u0103 \u00een comunicare. \u00cenve\u021bi atunci c\u00e2nd ascul\u021bi. Acesta este unul dintre argumentele cheie pe care Kate Murphy le aduce \u00een cartea sa remarcabil\u0103 You\u2019re not listening. What you\u2019re missing and why it matters. Murphy sus\u021bine c\u0103, de\u0219i ascultarea este fundamentul […]<\/p>\n

Cite\u0219te mai mult… from Nu m\u0103 ascul\u021bi. Concluzii din cartea lui Kate Murphy<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":4469,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"content-type":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[62],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4470","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ei-romania"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nNu m\u0103 ascul\u021bi. Concluzii din cartea lui Kate Murphy - EI Romania<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.eiromania.com\/ro\/blog-ei-romania\/nu-ma-asculti-concluzii-din-cartea-lui-kate-murphy\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"ro_RO\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Nu m\u0103 ascul\u021bi. Concluzii din cartea lui Kate Murphy - EI Romania\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Ascultarea este adesea privit\u0103 ca omologul umil al vorbirii, dar este, de fapt, pozi\u021bia mai puternic\u0103 \u00een comunicare. \u00cenve\u021bi atunci c\u00e2nd ascul\u021bi. Acesta este unul dintre argumentele cheie pe care Kate Murphy le aduce \u00een cartea sa remarcabil\u0103 You\u2019re not listening. What you\u2019re missing and why it matters. Murphy sus\u021bine c\u0103, de\u0219i ascultarea este fundamentul [...]Cite\u0219te mai mult... from Nu m\u0103 ascul\u021bi. 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